On Love

"Love... is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident.”

Louis de Bernières, Captain Corelli's Mandolin.

This collection is about that art and those accidents.

In this collection:

On attraction and love cover image

On attraction and love

March 13, 2020 by Dorian Minors

Much is written on the subject of attractiveness. It has become synonymous with beauty. Attractive celebrities, attractive influencers, attractive art. And through this myopic lens, attraction becomes something ugly. Something that people have or do not have. Something to be jealous of. Something to be torn down. But it doesn't have to be. It can actually be something very beautiful indeed.

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Attractiveness might be more about the environment, than about you cover image

Attractiveness might be more about the environment, than about you

August 23, 2018 by Dorian Minors

There are a number of things that occur naturally in our environment that can alter the attraction we feel for people. These things might seem small, but they have an outsize influence on our preferences for people.

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Coming together - the pattern of friendship and love cover image

Coming together - the pattern of friendship and love

June 12, 2018 by Dorian Minors

Making and keeping our connections to others remains one of the fundamental arts we learn in life. And having a stickybeak into other people's relationships is one of the fundamental past times. But if there's one thing psychologists are good at, it's identifying patterns in the way people behave. In that spirit, this model describes the process of people coming together used in the counselling office and by counsellors people-watching over coffee that's quite beautiful.

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The most powerful way to get someone to like you, is to like them first cover image

The most powerful way to get someone to like you, is to like them first

April 23, 2018 by Dorian Minors

One of our most powerful urges is to be liked. Strange to find, then, that one of the most powerful influences on our likeability is whether others think we like them—‘reciprocal liking’.

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Sexual Attraction - What turns us on in others? cover image

Sexual Attraction - What turns us on in others?

March 20, 2018 by Dorian Minors

Evolutionary psychologists have a perspective on sexual attraction that is discomfiting, but revealing.

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How being clumsy makes you better looking (according to psychologists) cover image

How being clumsy makes you better looking (according to psychologists)

October 6, 2017 by Dorian Minors

If you're anything like me (and here's hoping you aren't), then you might be delighted to hear that your inability to walk through life unaccompanied by the sounds of various clatters and clangings could actually make you look a little better looking in the eyes of others.

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Why polygamy might be more natural than you thought cover image

Why polygamy might be more natural than you thought

March 8, 2017 by Dorian Minors

Most theories of relationships centre on the idea that humans are well-suited for, and biologically disposed toward forming 'pair-bonds'. But these traditional anthropological and evolutionary perspectives on sex are facing a growing threat from a more recent contender. The idea that human promiscuity is our natural state and community-style lovin' better explains the state of our modern sexuality.

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The Friendship Checklist cover image

The Friendship Checklist

February 20, 2017 by Dorian Minors

Friendships are based on many of the same building blocks of intimacy as romance. In fact, up to a point, friends travel the same cognitive road as our lovers do. But friends can be more satisfying than our spouses, and more enjoyable, according to research. All this begs the question, what the hell is a friend and why are they so awesome?

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Four ways to be attractive (and one you've probably overlooked) cover image

Four ways to be attractive (and one you've probably overlooked)

January 22, 2017 by Dorian Minors

What is attraction? Usually, we just think of it as what turns us on. But interpersonal attraction is so much bigger than this. At its core, attraction is the inclination to chase the good feeling you get from someone else. It's the word we use to describe what draws people together. And, it has aspects that are often overlooked.

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How conversation sparks intimacy cover image

How conversation sparks intimacy

August 5, 2015 by Dorian Minors

Conversation is obviously a source of intimacy. But you mightn't expect it to be one of the predominant sources. Often we consider intimacy as a function of physical closeness. But intimicy is about relational closeness in any form. And conversation is an extremely powerful way to generate it.

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What is love? cover image

What is love?

July 24, 2015 by Dorian Minors

What’s love? It’s a tough idea to wrap our heads around. We’ve talked about it here, and here, and here (and many other places besides). The issue with understanding love is that it’s used in...

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Coming apart - the pattern of relationship breakdown cover image

Coming apart - the pattern of relationship breakdown

July 8, 2015 by Dorian Minors

Making and keeping our connections to others remains one of the fundamental arts we learn in life. And having a stickybeak into other people's relationships is one of the fundamental past times. This isn't always so gratifying though, because relationships don't always work out. This is how that looks.

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Three random things that make you more attractive cover image

Three random things that make you more attractive

January 29, 2015 by Dorian Minors

Although there are many social and emotional factors that feed into who we feel butterflies for, there are a bunch of weird things left over from our more animalistic past that have a hand too. In this article we talk about three of the more unusual ones.

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Do you believe in destiny? Or growth? The rules that govern relationships. cover image

Do you believe in destiny? Or growth? The rules that govern relationships.

August 29, 2014 by Dorian Minors

Relationships are governed by 'rules' that determine how we act, and how we expect others to act towards us. These invisible rules form part of any relationship and to navigate them, we have to first understand them.

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What we want in our partners (it's more simple than you think) cover image

What we want in our partners (it's more simple than you think)

August 26, 2014 by Dorian Minors

There's a lot of conflicting information out there regarding who wants what out of a relationship. But there are three things that almost everyone, across all cultures seem to value more than anything else.

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Three hidden needs that control our relationships cover image

Three hidden needs that control our relationships

July 29, 2014 by Dorian Minors

From our friends to our lovers, there are always imbalances in a relationship. William Schutz has a theory about why. He breaks it down into three things that determine how you pick your social networks, how well you click with people and whether or not things fall apart.

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Why some people are 'cold', others are 'clingy', and some just can't let go. cover image

Why some people are 'cold', others are 'clingy', and some just can't let go.

April 4, 2014 by Dorian Minors

Why are some people 'cold' and distant in relationships while others are too 'clingy'? Why do some people never let go of people, or move on when they should? Attachment theory, one of the cruxes of social psychology, has many answers for us.

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What's Love Got to do With It? cover image

What's Love Got to do With It?

November 28, 2013 by Dorian Minors

We often think of love as the be-all and end all of a relationship. It turns out, that love doesn't really have much to do with how strongly we feel for someone.

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The Types of Love - From Friends to Flings cover image

The Types of Love - From Friends to Flings

April 1, 2013 by Dorian Minors

Psychologists love to put the mind into neat little boxes. Since love is such a complicated word with many meanings, you might be surprised to find out they managed to squeeze it into just a handful. In this article we talk about those types of love and how they interact, from friends and family to flings and forever afters.

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