On Friendship

"Nine hundred and ninety nine can't bide the shame or mocking or laughter, but the Thousandth Man will stand by your side to the gallows-foot--and after".

Rudyard Kipling, The Thousandth Man.

This collection is about those thousandth people.

In this collection:

On attraction and love cover image

On attraction and love

March 13, 2020 by Dorian Minors

Much is written on the subject of attractiveness. It has become synonymous with beauty. Attractive celebrities, attractive influencers, attractive art. And through this myopic lens, attraction becomes something ugly. Something that people have or do not have. Something to be jealous of. Something to be torn down. But it doesn't have to be. It can actually be something very beautiful indeed.

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The three reasons why everyone is so 'cliquey' cover image

The three reasons why everyone is so 'cliquey'

November 5, 2018 by Dorian Minors

The psychology of cliques has a pretty stereotypical pattern. It's been well-described since the 80's. There are three phases, and often they end in collapse.

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Coming together - the pattern of friendship and love cover image

Coming together - the pattern of friendship and love

June 12, 2018 by Dorian Minors

Making and keeping our connections to others remains one of the fundamental arts we learn in life. And having a stickybeak into other people's relationships is one of the fundamental past times. But if there's one thing psychologists are good at, it's identifying patterns in the way people behave. In that spirit, this model describes the process of people coming together used in the counselling office and by counsellors people-watching over coffee that's quite beautiful.

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The most powerful way to get someone to like you, is to like them first cover image

The most powerful way to get someone to like you, is to like them first

April 23, 2018 by Dorian Minors

One of our most powerful urges is to be liked. Strange to find, then, that one of the most powerful influences on our likeability is whether others think we like them—‘reciprocal liking’.

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How being clumsy makes you better looking (according to psychologists) cover image

How being clumsy makes you better looking (according to psychologists)

October 6, 2017 by Dorian Minors

If you're anything like me (and here's hoping you aren't), then you might be delighted to hear that your inability to walk through life unaccompanied by the sounds of various clatters and clangings could actually make you look a little better looking in the eyes of others.

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The Friendship Checklist cover image

The Friendship Checklist

February 20, 2017 by Dorian Minors

Friendships are based on many of the same building blocks of intimacy as romance. In fact, up to a point, friends travel the same cognitive road as our lovers do. But friends can be more satisfying than our spouses, and more enjoyable, according to research. All this begs the question, what the hell is a friend and why are they so awesome?

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Four ways to be attractive (and one you've probably overlooked) cover image

Four ways to be attractive (and one you've probably overlooked)

January 22, 2017 by Dorian Minors

What is attraction? Usually, we just think of it as what turns us on. But interpersonal attraction is so much bigger than this. At its core, attraction is the inclination to chase the good feeling you get from someone else. It's the word we use to describe what draws people together. And, it has aspects that are often overlooked.

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How conversation sparks intimacy cover image

How conversation sparks intimacy

August 5, 2015 by Dorian Minors

Conversation is obviously a source of intimacy. But you mightn't expect it to be one of the predominant sources. Often we consider intimacy as a function of physical closeness. But intimicy is about relational closeness in any form. And conversation is an extremely powerful way to generate it.

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Coming apart - the pattern of relationship breakdown cover image

Coming apart - the pattern of relationship breakdown

July 8, 2015 by Dorian Minors

Making and keeping our connections to others remains one of the fundamental arts we learn in life. And having a stickybeak into other people's relationships is one of the fundamental past times. This isn't always so gratifying though, because relationships don't always work out. This is how that looks.

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Three hidden needs that control our relationships cover image

Three hidden needs that control our relationships

July 29, 2014 by Dorian Minors

From our friends to our lovers, there are always imbalances in a relationship. William Schutz has a theory about why. He breaks it down into three things that determine how you pick your social networks, how well you click with people and whether or not things fall apart.

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What's Love Got to do With It? cover image

What's Love Got to do With It?

November 28, 2013 by Dorian Minors

We often think of love as the be-all and end all of a relationship. It turns out, that love doesn't really have much to do with how strongly we feel for someone.

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The Types of Love - From Friends to Flings cover image

The Types of Love - From Friends to Flings

April 1, 2013 by Dorian Minors

Psychologists love to put the mind into neat little boxes. Since love is such a complicated word with many meanings, you might be surprised to find out they managed to squeeze it into just a handful. In this article we talk about those types of love and how they interact, from friends and family to flings and forever afters.

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